If I Need You (If You Come Back To Me #5) Page 17

  “It’s my pleasure. I wish I could say something more to assure you. In the end I think the only thing you can do, though, is take it one day at a time. Try to trust in Ryan unless you see some clear reason you shouldn’t. I know it’s hard, when you’ve known heartache and betrayal. Trust me. I know. Derry and I made our mistakes in the early part of our marriage, and there were times I wondered if I’d ever be able to trust him again. But in the end, you either choose to have faith or not. I know it’s like tying a blindfold around your eyes and walking along a ledge. It’s terrifying, but it gets easier over time. And that’s just...”

  “Life,” Faith whispered, giving Brigit a grateful smile. She stared out the window on to the sunny day, feeling the shadows of her doubts recede into the corners of her mind.

  Chapter Twelve

  Faith left her bedroom hastily that night when she heard the front door open at around seven. Ryan paused at the entryway of the living room when he saw her.

  “Hi,” she said, smiling.

  “Hi.”

  For a second or two they just stood there, gazing at each other. He looked wonderful to her, wearing a pair of dark jeans and a blue-and-white button-down shirt, his overnight bag slung over his shoulder. The mail had come late today. He clutched the envelopes in one hand. As usual his good looks and utterly masculine aura left her a little breathless. Would it feel like this every time he returned home after an absence?

  “Did you have a good trip?”

  “Yeah,” he said, taking a step into the room. “I met with Nick Malone while I was out there. He told me that I can take Eagle Air as far as I want. DuBois Enterprises can give me enough work to keep nine or ten planes moving alone, and that doesn’t even include the new business contacts I’ve made. I’m thinking of keeping some hangar space in the Bay Area, as well, and keeping some planes there for a more convenient turnaround.”

  She beamed at him. “Ryan, that’s wonderful. Nick really believes in your work ethic.”

  He shrugged and swung his overnight bag off his shoulder. “He’s ex-Air Force, too,” he said, as if that explained all Nick’s faith in him.

  “I think it’s more than just that,” Faith said, smiling knowingly. She noticed him turn his head toward the kitchen and wondered if he’d caught the aroma of the chicken she had baking. “Are you hungry?”

  “I’m starving.”

  “Good. I made baked chicken and homemade potato salad.”

  “Sounds great,” he said, but she saw puzzlement flicker across his features. Obviously he was confused about her running from hot to cold to hot. She inhaled slowly for courage and stepped toward him.

  “Ryan, I want to apologize for what I said in the car the other day. It was wrong of me. I shouldn’t have been so disrespectful about the good feelings we were having, being together. I was...scared.”

  She saw his throat convulse as he looked at her. “I know. I understand.”

  She sighed and gave a small laugh. “I’m glad one of us does, then. My point is, I realized while you were gone that we just have to take this one day at a time. I’ll try not to give in to my insecurities, but that’s all I can really promise for now.”

  “One day at a time is good enough for me.”

  She gave him a tremulous smile. “Thank you, Ryan.” She straightened and took a deep breath. “Now...dinner is almost ready. Do you want to take a shower before we eat?”

  “If there’s time.”

  “There’s time,” she told him with a smile before she walked to the kitchen.

  Faith set the table in the dining room, complete with lit candelabra. “Wow, I’ve never eaten in here before,” Ryan said when he entered, looking appealing in jeans and a fresh shirt, his dark hair still slightly wet.

  “Too bad it’s not a very fancy meal,” Faith said, setting their filled plates on the table.

  “Fancy or not, it’s fantastic,” Ryan said a few minutes later as he ate, appearing to completely appreciate her efforts.

  They talked comfortably enough during dinner about some immediate plans for Eagle Air, including the fact that Ryan was interviewing two potential candidates for the administrative assistant position in addition to a pilot the following morning.

  “I’ll still be available for the doctor’s appointment, though,” he said after they’d finished eating, but they remained sitting at the table, sipping their water and iced tea. “Have you been feeling all right?”

  “Yes. Very good, actually. I haven’t been tired at all at the office for the past few days.”

  “Good. I’m glad,” he said, reaching up to touch her hand where it rested on her placemat. It seemed like a completely natural gesture, given their comfort with one another during dinner. But as he continued to stroke her hand warmly, and prickles of pleasurable sensation shot through her arm, Faith became aware of a shift in the atmosphere. She glanced at him hesitantly and saw that his eyes were on her, dark and intense.

  “Earlier you said one day at a time,” he said quietly. “And I’ll do whatever I can to make this work for you, Faith. But I have to be honest—now that I’ve made love to you again, I’m not sure I can go back to abstinence. It just doesn’t seem...natural to be here in this house with you and not touch you.”

  Her cheeks warmed. She looked at her plate. “I understand. For some things, it’s impossible to go backward. I hadn’t really expected that we could, either.”

  He squeezed her hand softly. She met his stare.

  “And you’re okay with that?”

  “Yes. I don’t want to run anymore from what’s happening between us,” she said in a hushed tone.

  He nodded slowly, still stroking her wrist with his thumb.

  “I appreciate you saying that. I know this isn’t easy for you.”

  “Making love with you is the easiest, nicest thing in the world, Ryan. It’s not that part that’s hard.”

  His expression went flat. His caressing thumb stilled. She sensed his incredulity at her words.

  “You honestly didn’t think I wasn’t loving that part, did you, Ryan?”

  He blinked, as if awakening from a trance. “To be honest, I wasn’t quite sure what to think after Monday morning.”

  “I know. I’m sorry.”

  “I didn’t mean for you to apologize again.”

  “I know,” she whispered.

  He inhaled slowly. “Why don’t you go and relax while I clean up the dishes?”

  “That’s not necessary, I can—”

  He surprised her by leaning across the corner of the table and kissing her, quick and potent.

  “You cooked. I’ll clean up.”

  “Okay,” she said when she’d recovered her voice. “Maybe I’ll just go...take a shower.” Despite what she’d said, she remained seated, and so did he. Faith grasped for her courage and finally found it. “You can sleep in my room tonight. If you want.”

  He raised his eyebrows in a subtle, wry gesture that said loud and clear that he most certainly wanted. Faith chuckled softly, and he smiled.

  * * *

  Faith was in bed when he tapped on the door later. She wore a dark green nightgown that left her shoulders and a good portion of her chest bare. Her skin gleamed in the golden light of the lamp. Her dark hair was piled on her head, but some of the rebellious tendrils had escaped down her back and coiled at her shoulders. She was wearing glasses and reading a publication called the American Journal of Veterinary Research. He paused next to the door, his body going on instant alert at the tempting sight she made.

  He closed the door and approached the bed, smiling.

  “Looks like fascinating reading,” he said.

  “Oh, it is,” she said so confidently that his smile widened. She had to be the most adorable woman he’d ever seen. Her green e
yes flickered down over his bare torso, making his nerves tickle in awareness, and landed on the envelope he carried.

  “What’s that?” she asked.

  He sat on the edge of the bed. She scooted over, giving him room. He hesitated for a second. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. She might think he had mercenary reasons for his actions, but in truth, he’d done what he’d done out of concern for Faith and their child.

  He handed her the envelope. She opened it, a curious expression on her face, and withdrew the papers inside.

  “I had these medical tests done just before the wedding. I know with the baby, you’ve probably had lots of blood tests done to make sure you were healthy. I thought it was only fair for me to do the same. I wasn’t promiscuous when I was single, by any stretch of the imagination, but I wasn’t abstinent, either. I’ve always practiced safe sex, Faith,” he said in a quieter tone.

  She glanced up at him, a startled expression on her face.

  “Except for Christmas Eve,” he said sheepishly. “I thought maybe given our first night together, you might have very good reason to doubt my assurances in that regard.” He nodded toward the envelope. “I got a completely clean bill of health.”

  “Ryan, you didn’t have to do this,” she said, her voice shaking a little.

  “Yes, I did,” he said firmly. He took the papers and set them on the bedside table. The journal she’d been reading slid off her blanket-covered thighs onto the floor, but neither of them paid any notice. He took her hand.

  “I’m not going to be with another woman, Faith. Not for as long as we’re together.”

  Tears swelled in her eyes. “I’m not going to be with anyone else, either,” she said in a choked voice.

  He leaned forward and caught her soft gasp with his mouth. Her arms flew around his neck, and she pulled him closer. He came down on the bed, partially sprawled on her, kissing her like she was his very breath. Her scent filled his nose—flowers and some singular scent that came from her skin. He came up for air from their kiss and buried his nose in the fragrant juncture of her neck and shoulder.

  “I can’t believe I was only gone for two days. It feels like weeks since I touched you,” he said between feverish kisses. A shudder went through him at the sensation of fingernails scraping his scalp.

  “I missed you, too,” she said breathlessly.

  His mouth coasted down her throat, nibbling hungrily at her skin. She moaned and grabbed at his waist when he gently took a love bite from her shoulder. He’d never known a flame of desire to leap so high and powerful so quickly as it did with Faith. It was like he existed constantly on a low simmer for her, and a touch, a kiss, could send that fire to the boiling point instantly.

  He ran his mouth over her chest, breathing her scent, testing her skin with his lips and tongue. Her hands moved restlessly over the bare skin of his back, making him shiver uncontrollably. He felt need swell in him, hard and hot, as he moved his lips over the lace of her nightgown and the upper swells of her breasts. He tugged on the straps of her gown, suddenly impatient to taste her...drown in her sweetness.

  She cried out sharply when he slipped a nipple between his lips and drew on her, so he softened, laving his tongue over the stiffening tip, soothing and exciting her at once. His hunger mounted soon enough, however, breaking through his feeble restraints when it came to Faith. He gently gathered her breast in his hand, molding her softly to his palm, while he applied a steady suction with his mouth. She tasted like woman and sex and something so sweet, so precious, he couldn’t find the word if he tried.

  He pushed her gown down lower. The skin over her ribs tasted just as good, and so did the exquisitely soft stretch along her sensitive sides. He heard her whimpers of excitement through the sound of his heart pounding in his ears as he licked and kissed and nibbled at the skin there. An almost unbearable ache of longing went through him when he kissed her abdomen. Was it his imagination, or had it swelled slightly even since the last time he’d kissed her there? It felt so warm, taut and smooth beneath his cherishing lips.

  Her fingernails raking his scalp—this time more forcefully—added a welcome spice to his excitement as he kissed the tender strip of skin below the slight swell of her belly and ran his hands along her silky thighs. He lifted his head and worked her gown down over her legs. He sensed the tension rise in her muscles when he lowered her panties. For a few strained seconds he just looked down at her, stunned by her beauty. He glanced up at her face and saw the glaze of desire in her eyes.

  A ripple of excitement went through her when he kissed her just above her pelvis. He lowered his head, closed his eyes and tasted her for the first time. He moaned softly, and was lost.

  He was gentle with her, focusing exclusively on the soft, nectar-sweet folds of her outer sex and the precious kernel of nerve-packed flesh nestled between them. The essence of Faith filled him, her flavor, her scent, the sexy sounds of her soft whimpers and increasingly desperate moans.

  She called his name wildly when she bucked in release. He came at her bidding, waiting until she’d quieted beneath his kiss.

  When he slid into her, his mouth fused to hers, it was like a sharp blade of distilled pleasure knifing through his flesh. He’d only ever been inside a woman naked once before. Faith had been his first.

  As he began to move, and ecstasy became his entire world, Ryan sent up a silent prayer that she would be his last.

  * * *

  Ryan and Faith stood when Dr. Feingold, her obstetrician, greeted them both in the waiting area of the clinic.

  “Are you the baby’s father?” the friendly doctor, who was in her late forties, asked Ryan unabashedly.

  “Yes.”

  “Would you like him to come back for your visit?” Dr. Feingold asked Faith.

  “Yes, that’d be wonderful,” Faith said, giving Ryan a warm smile. He seemed a little embarrassed, walking back with her and Dr. Feingold to the exam room, but all in all, she thought he handled the appointment with calm aplomb. It was a singularly female environment, of course, decorated in soft colors with tasteful paintings on the wall, many of them alluding to the theme of mother and child, or families. They passed several women in varying stages of pregnancy in the hallway.

  After Dr. Feingold had completed her brief exam, she asked Ryan if he had any questions for her. Much to Faith’s surprise, he did. He asked first about how frequently Faith would need to come for prenatal care from now until the pregnancy was over. Then he asked about the pros and cons of ultrasounds.

  “We’ll do an ultrasound for the fetal anatomy survey in...” Dr. Feingold flipped through Faith’s chart. “Four weeks, just to make sure all is well with the fetus. Faith is very healthy. She’s a low-risk pregnancy. If all goes well, there won’t be any need for another ultrasound after that.”

  “Will we be able to identify the sex then, if we choose to?” Ryan asked.

  “Absolutely,” Dr. Feingold said.

  “One last question. Should Faith be painting the nursery? I can do the regular painting, but she’s been planning to do a wall mural.”

  Faith blinked in surprise. Why hadn’t she thought to ask about that?

  “We generally recommend that someone else do the painting, Faith,” Dr. Feingold said kindly. “It’s probably too low of a toxicity to matter, but might as well play it safe, right? Luckily enough, you seem to have an interested party here,” she said, smiling at Ryan, “or you can just wait to do the project after the baby is born.”

  Faith glanced at Ryan a little shyly on the way home from the appointment.

  “What?” he asked, noticing her covert stare.

  “Nothing. It’s just...have you been reading up on pregnancy and prenatal care? I just thought...because of those questions you asked during the appointment...”

  “Sure I have,” he said matter-of-fac
tly. He stopped at a stoplight. “It’s my first baby, too, Faith.”

  “I’m so glad you asked that question about the paint. Thank you.”

  She grinned. She couldn’t help it. It was so...nice to think of him caring enough to research the pregnancy on his own, amazing to think of him looking out for her. He smiled along with her, and suddenly all her concerns about the wisdom of her relationship with Ryan were millions of miles away.

  * * *

  Ryan was crazy busy for the next two weeks. He hired an administrative assistant and got her set up in the small office space he was renting at the airport. He also hired a new pilot, an ex-Navy, ex-commercial airline pilot who was in her fifties and looking for full-time work now that her two children were off at college. The new hire, whose name was Sylvia Aaron, gave Ryan a tip about a medium-turbo prop plane for sale in Detroit. Ryan was interested in adding a larger plane to his fleet, something that could fly up to ten passengers at a time to conferences or larger meetings. He did an overnight trip to Detroit, and came home the following day triumphant at his latest purchase.

  “Congratulations!” Faith enthused when he’d given her his good news. She gave him a huge hug and a kiss, the latter of which ended up lasting for the better part of several minutes. When they finally broke apart, she smiled as he rained hungry kisses on her cheek and neck.

  “I missed you,” he said.

  “I missed you, too,” she replied, distracted by the movements of his mouth on her throat. “But, Ryan...before you get carried away—”

  He gave her a slightly harassed look when she pried herself out of his arms. She grinned at his surly expression. He reminded her a little of how Topsy might look if she gave her a dish filled with food, only to whip it away at the last second.

  “I have a surprise for you. I had a feeling you were going to get the plane. I made you a special dinner.”

  She beamed a moment later when she saw his expression of pleasant surprise when she showed him what she’d made him.

  “Shish taouk,” she said excitedly, referring to the white meat chicken skewers that she’d grilled. The dish smelled delicious, the meat having been marinated in olive oil, lemon, parsley and sumac. She’d arranged it on the platter just as Mari had described, on a bed of saffron rice with a tahini sauce. “I got the recipe from Mari. She told me it was your favorite when you were a boy. I know it won’t be anywhere near as good as your mother’s or Mari’s, but—”